My birthday secret

    So I wrote a little about watching your weight during the holidays, and I know not everyone's birthday is during or right after holidays like mine is.  Every few years my birthday lands on superbowl Sunday, and that would be fine for football fans, but I'm no football fan and every few years of my life no one would show up for my party.  When I got older I would end up just going to superbowl parties, but with that comes A LOT of snacks that will go straight to your ass so be careful during the last holiday (superbowl sunday).

I think I started resenting my birthday long before I understood super bowl though.. I was raised by my grandparents and every year my mom would promise she was coming and I would wait on my porch for hours.  They would try and bring me in to hang out with friends and family but I waited until it was dark.  I guess it hurt so bad because the one person in the world I thought should be there couldn't find the time to see me.  As I got older I kind of obsessed about making it perfect and every year I'd cry and nothing was EVER good enough.
    This year I'm changing things up.  I expect nothing. I usually use my birthday to get my way.  Example: my husband won't ever go ice skating so I might use my birthday as an excuse to guilt him into doing it with me.  My husband is an amazing sport and always gives in to what I want.  I talk a lot of crap and I'm sure, no positive my friends think I'm some sort of diva birthday monster, but the truth is...This year is different.  
    I went on and on about how I want to go camping, and I knew no one except K-cups would come with me so I jokingly tried to use my birthday as an excuse to get all my best girlfriends together to come have a good time hiking and sitting by a fire shooting the shit with me.  I really don't like my birthday, but none of them know that.  It's coming up and at first I was stressed that I would plan something and people wouldn't show up, so I have dropped it and 100% let go. I have no expectations or plans.  I mentioned(possibly many times) that I wanted to go camping and so many of the girls were like omg Bonnie I hate the beautiful outdoors I hate tents and stars and getting out of the house. lol So I gave up, and honestly now that I'm not having a party I feel free!
    I felt so bad guilting them into it when all I REALLY wanted was to be surrounded by people I love.  I only want people to come camping with me because they think it would be fun and will actually try and enjoy themselves.  By trying to force them to come I was only setting myself up for inevitable failure because I'd have a bunch of miserable women on my hands and that sucks.
    Maybe it's the new trying to be more active Bonnie wanting to get out of the normal eating cake or going out drinking.

    My husband just interrupted my typing to ask if I knew I had a package from my grandma. I just opened it and at the bottom was a photo album.  Before I pulled it out I burst into tears! It was pictures of me growing up, and it couldn't have come at a better time.
    For my first birthday family and friends got together and took me camping.  Maybe that's where my love of camping started.  Some of the pictures are of my grandpa who in my eyes is the greatest man who ever lived!  And this makes me want to go camping even more because I live in Hawaii and I know if my grandpa was still with us he would go in a second!  But I don't want anyone to be guilted into it I want to have pictures like the ones of my first birthday. I want smiling family and friends. I want memories that will last forever. Birthday or no birthday I want to live my life to the absolute fullest and even if it's just me and K-cups I know I will cherish it forever . So here's to friends, family, and fun.  I feel free now that I finally
realized fun isn't forced.
    I have no clue if my friends are planning anything(truly for once I have not snooped or asked questions) I'm sure they would take me out for a girls night because I'm a lush, but that isn't at all what I would want. I want to be surrounded by people who genuinely are happy to be my friend. I don't want a party I want no financial burdens on anyone.  The most perfect birthday I ever had was my first birthday in a tent surrounded by the people who love me most.   No cake no frills just good friends.  So I apologize now for being such a brat because I prayed on it and all I want is your friendship.
 

I will be planning a camping trip and if no one comes that's okay cuz I don't want anyone bringing down our fun.