Getting over fitness fears

So I think I should start out by saying, at one time in my life I was a graceful dancer and after that had military training. That being said it has been sometime since I worked out consistently. I had my second child in February and I set my fitness goals low to make sure I actually did them.  I didn't want to set some crazy goal saying I was going to lose 50lbs in a month or something.

Before I had Frankie I was 125lbs and the day of labor I was 200lbs and when I left the hospital I was still 200lbs exactly until I was about 6 months pregnant with Delilah. I got up to 220lbs with her. I am now 185-190 lbs( i have been going up and down). See my problem is not maintaining, I'm actually very good at that my problem is losing the weight.  It probably doesn't help that I have no clue what those crazy machines do or how to use weights or how to breath when i run.  I spent most of my life a dancer. and for other dancers you know you don't feel like you are exercising you just go to practice and do your thing. Exercise is so new to me!

I have been walking a lot more since moving to Hawai'i and have recently been going to the gym more. I have had the same fear lots of girls have when going in the gym. What am I doing? and who is going to laugh at me and think I'm weird while doing it?  But you know what people I'm here to tell you, no one cares, be able to laugh at yourself and other people will laugh with you instead of at you. Example: lol last night at the gym I got on a machine it had crazy bars and a freaking seat belt haha well i got on it straped myself in and laughed my butt off as I read the instructions aloud to my friends on the surrounding machines none of us knew how this thing worked. So I tried my best to do what the little guy in the diagram told me and oh man was I wrong. One of the people working out around us saw me shockingly not upside down in this torture device haha but he came over and gave me instruction.and i got it down for the most part.

I used to be oh so serious I only wanted to do things if I did them perfect and I didn't even want to try if I had no idea what I was doing or if there was a chance of failure. That attitude set me back in dance and in life. I have since learned to laugh and just be silly.  I think it is helping me to be a better mom and friend and person in general. I love life and love learning and trying new things. It's awesome!

I am also going to be trying a new thing and getting over my fear of running in daylight in a 5k no less it's only 3.1 miles or whatever but for me it is a huge step and also one of my fitness goals for this year. My husband thinks I'm crazy and I wont get up in the morning, but you know what I have to do it for me and maybe even for the babies even tho they are too young to know I want to set an example of putting your mind and body to doing things you set out to do. I'm just so excited for all this good change. the 5k is sep 22,2012 and I will post pictures and whatnot. So what do you say get up and get outside today or to the gym or just change one lil thing like taking the stairs instead of the elevator.

5k training

"I love those first steps" those first ones out of the house when you first put in your head phones, and you can hear your heart beat. The music starts and I'm off. Up that first big hill. Take a big breath and do my funny. Blowing out face wih chippy monkey cheeks. The hard part is over. Just have to keep going. Then bing that voice says keep going.

I get a chance to have some time alone just me and this great world. I get to really look at what's going on around me see how beautiful the world is in the morning. My music on I see the cute dogs down the street but can't hear them it makes everything wonderful.

I can feel my love handles burning and all I can think when I think about stopping is it is worth every pain! I am not a quitter I know this will be a long road and I'm looking forward to running it as fast as I can.

moving on moving forward

I have been gone a while but i think I needed a little time to grow up.  On my 21st birthday I got pregnant with my son and kept it a secret until he was almost due.  I was a wild child who needed time to think about where I wanted my life to go.  I made a ton of mistakes and even more good choices. I'm so happy I had him he truly changed my outlook on life. Then last year I got pregnant with my daughter who is now 3 months old somewhere around today, and just when I thought I couldn't change anymore...  The strangest thing happened..I'm happy I'm free from my own mind. She has made me open my eyes and stop being made at the world. I used to want the people who hurt me to be accountable for their actions but what good is chasing revenge? I see now with my handsome little boy and my darling little girl that none of those people can hurt me because I already have the best things in life..Family!!
Family is all I ever really wanted in life and if I would have opened my eyes I would have seen them there all along. I would have seen how much they all love me, but I chose to be blind to all of it. But it is never to late and so every chance i get I tell them I love them and hug them. I'm so happy!!!
When I moved here I was angry that I was so far from home, but what is home you know blah blah what the heart is. Now I find myself moving from TN to Hawaii in a few months and I'm so excited.  Not just because I get to be done with this unpredictable weather but because I get to start new fresh try again and be more open minded this time I can't wait to see Frankie in the water again and Delilah with her toes in the sand for the first time. I'm one lucky mama.. okay now that both of these kids pooped themselves..I guess that's my que to cut this short.

daily stuff

I wake up every morning in the most wonderful way. Delilah wakes up for her morning feeding, my hungry little bf baby, and Frankie comes in and says morning mama how are you doing I say fine thank you how are you he says I'm good then I get a hug and kiss and an I love you.  He then crawls under the covers and waits until I'm done feeding her and we get up and make food together. The morning is one of my favorite times although it is hard to choose since all day with the babies is fun. Then we go to the room and we turn on rock-a-billy radio and dance dance dance!!!

We then go for our morning walk and we learn all kinds of new things, Delilah usually sleeps thru all of it, but we have fun.The little old couple up the street is always out and Frankie with his little spray bottle always helps them water flowers. The old man always gets a kick out of the lil mans help.

Then we come home and clean a little I will take advantage of the help while I have it I know one day he wont think cleaning is so much fun. There is always laundry to do with a solider husband and a 2 year old and a 3 month old, and of course me with nothing to wear haha. Frankie loves to learn his colors and help.  I just can't wait until he is old enough to do dishes.

Nap time is promptly at noon every day. Because you wont like him when he's tired haha. So nap time is mine and baby Delilah's special time. She will eat again, and will have some tummy time. Then we do mommy and baby work out time From 12:30-2pm then more cleaning.

I know I should start packing but I don't even know where to go from where I have gotten. Hawaii seems so far but I know it is coming up quick, and our lease is up at the end of June so we will be homeless for 11 days haha I voted on camping but I think my husband wont let my vote win. I am so excited for our cross country trip to California there is a million things I want to do when I get there give my Grandma a big giant hug is first on my list tho.  I guess I'll be needing to adjust my routine to fit in packing.  It will be weird leaving my first home as an adult but I'm ready for whatever life throws at me.