My 4 year old son called me fat!

    You go through life being pretty thin. You made it through high school without getting pregnant. Then the moment comes...You get shammered on your 21st birthday and boom nine months later you are no longer a size four.  No, now you're 75lbs heavier! The up side is you have this beautiful baby and it all seems worth it. There's hope of losing the weight, but reality kicks in, and you're a single mom working and going to school, and you can't find time to get to the gym even if you could afford it.  So fast forward four years.  You are finally figuring out how to use things like tapioca flour. You might even know what to do with an eggplant, but nothing will prepare you for the day it happens.
    I decided to take a shower before the kids got up.  I couldn't remember the last time I had a chance to wash my hair so it seemed as good a time as any.  I got out and of course I forgot to grab a towel I opened my door to get one out of the hall and saw my four year old son was awake. I said come on baby and he followed me to help make my bed.(he loves being helpful)  I dried myself, and he looks at me and says," You're really fat"!  These words crushed me. I stood there covering myself in a giant beach towel. I am indeed "FAT", but I wasn't ready for him to be the one to tell me.
    The next part wasn't my finest hour but I was somewhat in shock.  I looked at him and said,"what did you say"?!? "you're really fat", he mumbled. I said again,"come closer what did you say"? "you're really fat", he said, this time with shame and fear in his eyes.  He knew he said something bad. I told him not to ever call people fat!
    No I know Lword will just get a kick out of me writing this, but I'm not sure what to do.  Do I go on acting like I'm unaware of my obesity?  The point of "my life as a fat girl" was to take the shame out of the word fat, but it is still a bad word. It's okay to be able to say, "yes this is my life as a fat girl, so I don't need you to say this is your life as a fat girl". Make sense?
    I guess most people would blow this off and go on, but I do feel really hurt.  I also feel I have failed my child. It is a hard concept to understand at four years old, that it is not okay to call someone fat, but it's okay for me to refer to myself that way.  Since starting my life as a fat girl I have felt better about myself I have been more accountable, and have been working out much more.  So what is a fat mom to do? I feel like I have lost all this excess but now I'm left with this skin hanging around my midsection.  I just can't seem to win.  Lword doesn't use the "F"(fat) word around her kids, and I'm beginning to think I need to head in that same direction, but the damage is done so would it really help any to stop now? I didn't even think I used it around them.
    UGh I feel, not happy right now! Have your kids ever called you fat?

My birthday secret

    So I wrote a little about watching your weight during the holidays, and I know not everyone's birthday is during or right after holidays like mine is.  Every few years my birthday lands on superbowl Sunday, and that would be fine for football fans, but I'm no football fan and every few years of my life no one would show up for my party.  When I got older I would end up just going to superbowl parties, but with that comes A LOT of snacks that will go straight to your ass so be careful during the last holiday (superbowl sunday).

I think I started resenting my birthday long before I understood super bowl though.. I was raised by my grandparents and every year my mom would promise she was coming and I would wait on my porch for hours.  They would try and bring me in to hang out with friends and family but I waited until it was dark.  I guess it hurt so bad because the one person in the world I thought should be there couldn't find the time to see me.  As I got older I kind of obsessed about making it perfect and every year I'd cry and nothing was EVER good enough.
    This year I'm changing things up.  I expect nothing. I usually use my birthday to get my way.  Example: my husband won't ever go ice skating so I might use my birthday as an excuse to guilt him into doing it with me.  My husband is an amazing sport and always gives in to what I want.  I talk a lot of crap and I'm sure, no positive my friends think I'm some sort of diva birthday monster, but the truth is...This year is different.  
    I went on and on about how I want to go camping, and I knew no one except K-cups would come with me so I jokingly tried to use my birthday as an excuse to get all my best girlfriends together to come have a good time hiking and sitting by a fire shooting the shit with me.  I really don't like my birthday, but none of them know that.  It's coming up and at first I was stressed that I would plan something and people wouldn't show up, so I have dropped it and 100% let go. I have no expectations or plans.  I mentioned(possibly many times) that I wanted to go camping and so many of the girls were like omg Bonnie I hate the beautiful outdoors I hate tents and stars and getting out of the house. lol So I gave up, and honestly now that I'm not having a party I feel free!
    I felt so bad guilting them into it when all I REALLY wanted was to be surrounded by people I love.  I only want people to come camping with me because they think it would be fun and will actually try and enjoy themselves.  By trying to force them to come I was only setting myself up for inevitable failure because I'd have a bunch of miserable women on my hands and that sucks.
    Maybe it's the new trying to be more active Bonnie wanting to get out of the normal eating cake or going out drinking.

    My husband just interrupted my typing to ask if I knew I had a package from my grandma. I just opened it and at the bottom was a photo album.  Before I pulled it out I burst into tears! It was pictures of me growing up, and it couldn't have come at a better time.
    For my first birthday family and friends got together and took me camping.  Maybe that's where my love of camping started.  Some of the pictures are of my grandpa who in my eyes is the greatest man who ever lived!  And this makes me want to go camping even more because I live in Hawaii and I know if my grandpa was still with us he would go in a second!  But I don't want anyone to be guilted into it I want to have pictures like the ones of my first birthday. I want smiling family and friends. I want memories that will last forever. Birthday or no birthday I want to live my life to the absolute fullest and even if it's just me and K-cups I know I will cherish it forever . So here's to friends, family, and fun.  I feel free now that I finally
realized fun isn't forced.
    I have no clue if my friends are planning anything(truly for once I have not snooped or asked questions) I'm sure they would take me out for a girls night because I'm a lush, but that isn't at all what I would want. I want to be surrounded by people who genuinely are happy to be my friend. I don't want a party I want no financial burdens on anyone.  The most perfect birthday I ever had was my first birthday in a tent surrounded by the people who love me most.   No cake no frills just good friends.  So I apologize now for being such a brat because I prayed on it and all I want is your friendship.
 

I will be planning a camping trip and if no one comes that's okay cuz I don't want anyone bringing down our fun.

Facebook friends?

    Would you be friends with someone who wouldn't be your facebook friend?  It's kind of a comical question, but really...Could you, would you?  So It started because I had a friend a lifetime ago who would delete people if you weren't active on his page at least once a week.  I thought this was insane, but I'm finding out more and more that a lot of my friends have strange sets of rules for how they pick who stays and who goes out of their facebook friends.
    So I've heard things like, "oh well I don't take it that serious, but I guess it's serious business for you".  It's really quite the opposite.  I keep people because I don't take it seriously, but I feel when you weed through people you actually know it has become more serious to you. I have been called picky when it comes to accepting original request, so I guess I do a good job of screening in the first place so I don't need to delete people weekly.
    I do get offended when a person I thought had no hard feelings against me deletes me.  For me it makes it hard to see them around..Are we friends?  I'm not confrontational so I don't wanna just be like hey wtf, what did I do? Why would I be friends with someone who wont even be my facebook friend?        I enjoy watching how my friends are doing even if I don't say anything, and I know they enjoy following me even if they say nothing.  I'm the kind of person who could go 5 years without speaking to you then pick up where we left off like nothing.
      I guess if I offend you or you decide you just aren't compatible with me then that's fine, but that means we are not friends and we don't wish to have any kind of friendship.  I'm such an open book, I have little to no secrets, and I don't take my facebook seriously.  I use it to keep family and friends updated on my life and to keep updated on their lives. I am an Army wife so I will never be close to home, so for me to delete people that aren't actively involved in my life would be crazy.  haha maybe I'm a hoarder of friends. I keep with them them all!   So tell me, If you thought you were real life friends with someone and they deleted you on fb would you still think you were friends like before? Would your opinion change?  When someone deletes me it's like my friend is having a birthday party and not inviting me and I didn't do anything wrong.
    Like I said I understand if you will never ever talk to them or have no desire to talk to them, or maybe you aren't like me and you add people the second you meet then you later realize they weren't the awesome friend you thought they were gonna be. I get that, but deleting  people you have history with, I don't get that... What do you think? Is your fb fort knox?  Do you go on random deleting sprees, getting rid of anyone who didn't wish you a happy birthday? I wanna know.. comment below