You go through life being pretty thin. You made it through high school without getting pregnant. Then the moment comes...You get shammered on your 21st birthday and boom nine months later you are no longer a size four. No, now you're 75lbs heavier! The up side is you have this beautiful baby and it all seems worth it. There's hope of losing the weight, but reality kicks in, and you're a single mom working and going to school, and you can't find time to get to the gym even if you could afford it. So fast forward four years. You are finally figuring out how to use things like tapioca flour. You might even know what to do with an eggplant, but nothing will prepare you for the day it happens.
I decided to take a shower before the kids got up. I couldn't remember the last time I had a chance to wash my hair so it seemed as good a time as any. I got out and of course I forgot to grab a towel I opened my door to get one out of the hall and saw my four year old son was awake. I said come on baby and he followed me to help make my bed.(he loves being helpful) I dried myself, and he looks at me and says," You're really fat"! These words crushed me. I stood there covering myself in a giant beach towel. I am indeed "FAT", but I wasn't ready for him to be the one to tell me.
The next part wasn't my finest hour but I was somewhat in shock. I looked at him and said,"what did you say"?!? "you're really fat", he mumbled. I said again,"come closer what did you say"? "you're really fat", he said, this time with shame and fear in his eyes. He knew he said something bad. I told him not to ever call people fat!
No I know Lword will just get a kick out of me writing this, but I'm not sure what to do. Do I go on acting like I'm unaware of my obesity? The point of "my life as a fat girl" was to take the shame out of the word fat, but it is still a bad word. It's okay to be able to say, "yes this is my life as a fat girl, so I don't need you to say this is your life as a fat girl". Make sense?
I guess most people would blow this off and go on, but I do feel really hurt. I also feel I have failed my child. It is a hard concept to understand at four years old, that it is not okay to call someone fat, but it's okay for me to refer to myself that way. Since starting my life as a fat girl I have felt better about myself I have been more accountable, and have been working out much more. So what is a fat mom to do? I feel like I have lost all this excess but now I'm left with this skin hanging around my midsection. I just can't seem to win. Lword doesn't use the "F"(fat) word around her kids, and I'm beginning to think I need to head in that same direction, but the damage is done so would it really help any to stop now? I didn't even think I used it around them.
UGh I feel, not happy right now! Have your kids ever called you fat?
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