My life as a fat girl: Around the girl in 80 days

  My grandma comes to visit me in 80 days. I have been working out but I'm starting this at the 80 day mark.  I was raised by my grandma until I was 13 years old.  She means the world to me, but I know she would love for me to get healthy and happy and be able to wear the clothes I love again.  I used to model and she was always so supportive of me. She bought multiple copies of things I was in, and I know she was happy for me.  I gained all this weight, and I know she still loves me but I would love to show her how hard I've been working at this.  I will be updating this every few days instead of having 80 posts.
  Day 80: I ran my first 5k! I set small goals because sometimes I don't really believe in myself so I wanted to make a goal I thought was achievable.  I was laying in bed when my phone rang.  It was one of my army wife besties.  She asked if I wanted to take her husbands place in the Susan G. Komen cancer run.  I was kinda scared but I said yes.  I wasn't prepared for the "hill" but I had a blast.  She is always so motivating...I know she wanted to leave me in the dust but she stuck with me.  It made me feel...special, yeah special! I know she really wanted to do 30 min and she totally could have but I had to stop a few times she jogged in place and waited for me. ugh I'm such a sap getting teary.  At our last duty station I didn't think anyone cared about me, and here I have so many amazing friends who I would jump to do anything for. I love that I accomplished one of my goals, and now I'm working on a non stop 5k.
 
Day 78: I feel hopeful and I'm not gonna lie a bit terrified. I had pretty great success then I started birth control and relapsed. I feel like I work out and don't get anywhere at all.  I want this so bad though so I'm going to do what I can. I did 3 miles on the bike today. I know I could have done more but I fell asleep.  I realize it is a bold choice to post before pictures with no after.  Some call it the shame diet..I dunno maybe it is, but here I am all 210lbs of me. It's not cute but I want o be open and honest with you. This isn't a story of a girl who magically has a great body over night. It's hard, really hard and I know sometimes when I went looking for motivation I wish there was someone who was honest from the beginning. The days where you ran for miles and the nights you ate your weight in cookies. I want to show you it all. an eating disorder ravaged my life because I grew up with crazy thoughts about obsessively chewing food would make me skinny and eating at timed times. It was all crazy! I have no clue where I'm going but I can only move forward from here.
   

 Day 75:  Koko head trail... What looks like a pretty basic beginners hike is the thing nightmares are made of. It was about 1,200 "steps" of awful. It was hot and crowded and sometimes slippery.  My legs felt like jello and I didn't know if I was going to make it down to the bottom. Everyone always says there's an amazing breeze at the top. Well I wish someone got a picture of my face covered in shear rage when there was no breeze up there. The view was gorgeous, but I was so hot! The way down was scary and slow. There's a "bridge" you have to go over and let me tell you how funny it must have looked to watch a grown woman go over about 6 rail road ties and sit and start trying to crawl back to go down and around.  It took me an hour and a half to get up there but it is no joke. My fingers swelled and I couldn't close my hands.(fun times). This hike is 2,098 steps.
    Day 73:  After koko head I sort of felt like I was going to die.  My legs hurt and I could barely make it up my stairs.  This morning I did make it to my ladies workout though and I am did this ab workout from pintrest.  I feel like my birth control has been very draining, but I'm trying to get enough rest and get through even a normal day.  This has been a long pay period so we have a bare fridge so I have been getting pretty creative with the food we have left, but not the most healthy.  We get paid soon and I will be doing my first attempt of freezer meals.   I will let you know how it goes and things I would do different next time.  I will also post a menu and shopping list with how I did it.
Day 67:(Nov 3,2013)  Ive been awful!  My sister has been in town for her hunny moon and one of my best friends birthday was this weekend.  I have gotten no where, and fast.  This week I'll have to kick it into overdrive if I want to achieve anything.  I went to a luau and ate our whole party's weight in pork.  On a productive note I have actually gotten something done.  I have started freezer meals for this month and it is my first time doing it so I'm learning from trial and error.  I have a few more things to finish tomorrow but i am doing a months worth of dinners. One of my huge goals was to not eat out as much and I'm hoping by doing this it will cut down on the amount of crap we eat.  I'm not sure why but every time my husband asks me whats for dinner when I have put no thought into the topic just drives me mad.  I am quite the lazy house wife sometimes, and I'm trying to teach myself to be domesticated.  When I was young I thought when you grew old you just learned everything you need to know.  I guess I assumed that you come about a certain age and it would pop into your head.  That day never came and so I'm teaching myself what some orphans never learn.  So this journey starts with freezer meals and I hope it is a success.
Day 58- B-bitch asked me to go clothes shopping with her.  Clothes shopping is bad enough but shopping with a girl who's a size four can be some what of a nightmare in daylight.  The good news was I didn't need any clothes and even if I did I am super broke so I couldn't afford anything anyway.  To humor myself I grabbed 4 pairs of pants, 2 boot cut and 2 skinny jeans. I got a size 14 and a size 16 in each.  I was trying to save myself from the walk of shame if the 14s didn't fit me.  Possibly over ambitious I tried on the size 14s first, and they fit! I was over the moon! Actually I was in shock and disbelief. I checked the tag over and over to make sure I wasn't jumping the gun.  As it stands I have gone from a size 20w to a 14! How the hell did that happen? I feel like I haven't even been trying, I feel like I don't deserve such success...  I stood there looking at my ass in the mirror...I didn't see anything different. In my eyes I still see that size 20 girl looking at me.  I felt defeated and sad.  I hate myself sometimes, I hate that I never can see myself for what I am.  I'm still a fat girl, and I'm scared that in my mind I will always be a fat girl.
Day 57- Today I felt more motivated.  I went to the gym and did the elliptical for 30 min on fat burner.  I used to do Hawaiian and Tahitian dance so I like to put it to good use on the elliptical and do figure eights on an incline with high resistance.  Try it, it sucks, but I have convinced myself its how I kept my waist so small.  Today was a good day my son wrote his name by himself and had a great day at school. yup, life is pretty good.  I do still stress out that my grandma is going to see me and not notice a change, that would break my heart, but I'm gonna keep on keepin on.
Day 52- Today I went to the guys gym and I did:

35 min on the elliptical(weight loss mode)
10 min on the rower level 8
5 sets of 5 95lb dead lifts 
20 25lb kettle bell swings
20 20" box jumps
20 pistols each leg

 Day 50-(nov21,2013) I really pushed my self today.I did the ladies workout in the park in the morning and in the evening I worked out alone. I know when I first got to the gym people were looking at me like oh fat girls first time in a gym shes just gonna do the elliptical.lol then they were like damn fat girl is going hard.You can see the full workout here.I warn you this thing is no joke.
Day 49-(nov.22,2013) went to the guys gym since A bailed on me at the last min leaving me no time to go to the girls gym. -_- But not to fret fat girls Bonnie here went it alone, met some nice ladies, and had a great workout. Did the half hour version of my elliptical workout and then spent some time shooting the crap with the ladies in the sauna.  I'm not gonna lie today was a bad day food wise.  My friend A had thanksgiving early because her best friend is moving away.  Needless to say I ate a lot of tasty food, but I'm happy to report that I did try to stick with some kind of moderation and not go back for seconds.  I can't believe my grandma is almost here. I am a little stressed that I don't  look any different, but I know she will be happy to see me no matter what and I will be happy to see her!

Day 45-(nov 25,2013)  Omg I ca't believe she will be here in 45 days!  I have been busy trying to eat better and workout more.  I have also been sewing like a mad women.  I also started making petticoats which is not as hard as I was previously making it.  I like everyone else on the internet found sugardale's blog, but even her very detailed breakdown was too complex for me.  I will do a tutorial on how I do mine.  This is a picture of one of my dresses with the petticoat under.  I scrolled up and took a look at the picture from day 80, and even though I have a hard time seeing a change in myself I know I am so happy with how far I have come.

Day 44-(nov. 26,2013)  Tonight I worked out with my friends K-cups and Lword. I did the elliptical and rower with k-cups and the rest with Lword.  I finished my insane elliptical work out then weighed myself. I have lost 3lbs putting me back at 210.6lbs yay!  I have set a small goal..Well, to me it's huge.  I want to get under 200lbs before my grandma comes.  I have faith I can do it but at the moment it seems impossible.  So Lword and I had some good laughs with the ladies in the sauna.  I got to thinking, why are our workout styles soooo different?  Okay, so here's what I could come up with.  Lword is VERY structured and I'm a free spirit.  I don't go to the gym with much of a plan, and if something I want to do is crowd I don't worry and move on with a new plan, or lack of.  

35min 

10min fish game on the rower on level 8

3 rounds:50 seconds each no rest!

Ropes

25lb push press

20" box jump

25lb kettle bell swings

20min in the sauna

1.8mile walk home

Day 39 (Dec 1, 2013) I went to the guys gym today and did 30 min of cardio then some ab work, and then spent some time in the sauna. I lost 1 pound this week and I feel pretty proud of myself.  Oh gosh I just started thinking about where I started and where I am now...I'm writing this with tears filling my eyes.  I have worked so hard and I can't wait to see my grandma.  I hope she will be proud. I hope I can loose this 11 Lbs and be at least 199lbs before she gets here. I just want her to be proud of me.  I haven't exactly done much in my life, but this is for her.  She is a cancer survivor and when I think of day one of that cancer run and I had to stop a few times.  I had my friend in front of me saying just think of what these women went through. I tried to find the strength and it wasn't there.  I want it to be there, and I'm working hard to find it. I love you gma.

Day 38(dec2,2013) I'm on a mission to find someone to let me borrow their T25 videos for 30 days. Wish me luck! went to the gym and just did the elliptical workout with a twang of abs and some sauna.
Day 37(dec3,2013) I took my son to school then met up with a friend to go a few rounds on the track. I followed her to her house after and we did T25.  Then I went to the guys gym and did...

"The elliptical workout"

5 min on the rower

3rounds of

1 min wall balls

1 min sit-ups

1 min box jumps

15 min in the sauna

Day 36(dec.4,2013) Went to the gym and ran on the treadmil. I ran 5k and shaved  30 seconds off my average run time.  I actually felt pretty comfortable with that pace. I'm gaining muscle and my skin isn't keeping up so my tummy tire and thighs look gross! I'm still proud of how far I've come though.

Day 34(dec.7,2013) I went to the gym and got on the scale. I saw I was up 2lbs (211lbs) So I instanly got on the treadmill and pushed my fat butt so hard that I shaved 2 min off my mile time I went from a 14:48 mile to a 12:25 and I was pretty damn proud of myself. I know it's wrong but I like to get on the scale and if I even gained an ounce I push myself extra hard. At the end of our workout Beast saw the monkey bars and tried to see how many she could do. I said,"I can't do them, they hurt my hands and it feels like sand bags tied to my ass"! She got on and did awesome! I did try and did 7. A little back story... a year and a half ago I went to a park with my kids and tried to do the monkey bars and could't even do 1 so I set a goal of being able to do them. I didn't want to jump up and down but on the inside that's really how excited i was!

1-12:25min mile

40 min on the bike

1st round

40 seconds battling ropes standing on BOSU 

40 second burpees

40 second battling ropes standing on BOSU

40 second sit-ups

40 second battling ropes standing on BOSU

20 kettlebell swings

2nd round

40 seconds battling ropes lunges switching between right and left on BOSU 
40 second burpees
40 second battling ropes lunges switching between right and left on BOSU
40 second sit-ups
40 second battling ropes lunges switching between right and left on BOSU
20 kettlebell swings
3rd round
40 seconds battling ropes side lunges switching between right and left on BOSU 
40 second burpees
40 second battling ropes side lunges switching between right and left on BOSU
40 second sit-ups
40 second battling ropes side lunges switching between right and left on BOSU
20 kettlebell swings
7 monkey bars(my pr) but try to go until failure

THE END: Jan 10, 2014 So I'm so excited to share that I hiked the lighthouse today with my grandma and Lword.  It was the second hike I did on island, and the first hike for my life as a fat girl as a group.  When I did that hike july 27th sure it was like a million degrees and whatnot... I started out up that first incline and was huffing and puffing, I passed people in strollers and couldn't imagine how they could ever get up pushing them. It seemed almost impossible with just pushing myself up that thing. 

This time I went and it was different, I wasn't out of breath at all and I even ran for a min. It was amazing,still hot, but amazing! I saw whales and really enjoyed the whole thing without stopping to take an I'm gonna die break.  I'm so much stronger than I was then. I'm not under 200 lbs like I wanted to be, but I am down 22lbs. I didn't notice how far I had come but I'm really proud of myself today. So this is the end of around the girl in 80 days. I fell off the wagon so hard while my husband was on leave, but I still didn't gain any weight and that is something to be proud of.